The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay males wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

However, recommended you read North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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